Naturally most of you are thinking about Superman and Wonder Woman, but let me tell you the criteria for this list. Here are the rules;
- These zombies are slow walking and brain dead! Think The Walking Dead
- These are alien zombies able to bite any and all flesh. Including Superman, Wonder Woman and Hulk. No matter the character if you have flesh you are vulnerable. I make this rule because Superman is just too perfect…
- There can be only one character per movie/franchise. Why? Because I would just choose ten transformers and call it a day.
I am rating these characters on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) in Companionship and Safety.
Companionship because it’s just as important as food, water and safety. Ask Tom Hanks from Cast Away creating a companion for himself or even Will Smith from I Am Legend with his dog. Companionship is often over looked as a vital necessity.
Safety because no matter how smart a person or character can be, sometimes their antics can put you in danger. A movie character with a tendency to shoot guns for example (Punisher I’m looking at you) might sound good, but with every shot your position would be put in jeopardy. Safety means - resources, avoiding and/or quiet killing, and knowledge that they wont have a nervous break down and kill you themselves.
Another thing to think about is the dance between having a powerful companion and having a powerful zombie if that companion gets bit. For example, Yoda almost made the list but if you think about it - it’s actually a bad idea. I don't know how zombie science works out, but I would think if Yoda was turned into a zombie he would turn to the dark side and zap you with force lightening… then eat you. Superman would be a great team mate too but the worst zombie possible. So is it worth the risk?
Now that you’ve read a novel of qualifiers - lets get started.
#10 - Batman
Companionship - I’m sorry to all you Batman lovers out there but the man has some serious emotional and phycological problems! I know he is cool but he fits the definition of a sociopath. I don't want to see what dark turn he takes during an apocalypse.
Safety - With infinite resources, the ability to fight and the greatest detective on earth (sorry Sherlock) I would feel safe. The reason he doesn't get a 10 is because Batman would always be out and about trying to save other people and figure out a cure. His motivation has always been for the greater good, not for one person.
#9 - The Terminator
Companionship - He is a robot… Not much humanity there, but seeing how Tom Hanks could kick it with a volley ball for awhile I think you could get some companionship out of this hunk of steal.
Safety - For the purposes of this list we are saying the Terminator is specifically programed to protect you. This guy will never give up! He will do everything he can to accomplish his objective and if that means sacrificing himself to do it - so be it!
#8 - Robert Neville (Will Smith) - I Am Legend
Companionship - He’s human! That’s a big bonus over most the characters on this list. He lost 2 points because he was suicidal at one point in the movie, but he was emotionally solid for a really long time. He is smart, optimistic and charismatic.
Safety - If there is anyone with a proven record it’s Dr. Neville. He lasted a really long time all on his own. The reason he gets a 5 is because when the zombies do find him… he looses. Also, he is at an extremely high risk of turning into a zombie. Although he was in the military, he doesn't specifically know how to fight better than the next guy.
#7 - Legolas - Lord of the Rings
Companionship - Legolas seems to be the next evolution of man. Conversations would be great and insightful. He would be optimistic and happy. Yet, through all of his strengths I think the ‘high level’ of thinking would get annoying. Also, no matter how smart the elf is… he is still an elf. There will be some awkward differences.
Safety - This elf can fight! He took down a giant elephant full of creatures trying to kill him without getting touched! He can use a sword(s) and is an expert with an arrow. The reason he isn't a 10 is because there would be times you would get swarmed and Legolas might get bit. Also, in order for him to fight - he would have to leave you all alone.
#6 - Rambo
Companionship - I’ll confess that is has been awhile since I’ve seen any of the Rambo films, but the simple fact remains - he’s human. He looses points for having gone through so much (PTSD), but you could have great conversations with the man. Also, imagine the stories he would have to tell!
Safety - Rambo is a genius when it comes to protecting himself against hordes of people. With traps and his improvising skills you and him would be about as safe as possible. The lost couple of points can be traced to his humanity. He is as risk of turning to a zombie and leaving you in the dust.
#5 - Groot - Guardians of the Galaxy
Companionship - I think most people would agree that Groot was one of the best parts of Guardians of the Galaxy. He was adorable as a little guy and surprisingly deep when full grown. You couldn't have much of a conversation with him, but he would be as loyal as anyone on this list.
Safety - Have you ever seen a zombie climb a tree? ‘nough said.
#4 - Alice - The Twilight Series
Companionship - Alice gets a perfect 10 on companionship. She is your care taker, best friend and crush all in one person! She was the one in Twilight to welcome Bella to the family. She is one of the most empathetic characters I could think of!
Safety - I’m not sure how the science behind zombie virus works, but from what I understand zombies eat alive beings. Seeing how Alice isn't actually alive I assume they wouldn't attack her. She is also fast, super strong and can see the future. She could avoid massive attacks by predicting them and getting you out of there. Where she looses the points is the fact that she is… well… a vampire. In a time of little food you are a walking blood bag in her eyes. That might make things a little uneasy.
#3 - The Flash
Companionship - Either Barry or Wally this character is funny, charismatic and optimistic. He has a genius level intellect and would be interesting to talk to. He looses on point for the fact that he gets bored easily. He could potentially leave you alone to go on his own adventure.
Safety - You could literally stand in one spot in the middle of a horde of zombies and not have to worry about a thing. The Flash is so fast that no zombie stands a chance to making it to you. He looses two points because if by some crazy chance he does get bit or scratched, he would be one fast zombie… and you'd die…. fast…
#2 - Optimus Prime - Transformers
Companionship - A robot that can have intelligent conversations and offer advice would be a pretty fun companion. He has some epic stories about another world and would be extremely loyal. He looses a couple points because no matter how ‘grown up’ a person gets - a comforting hug through an apocalypse would be really nice. A giant robot cant really offer that.
Safety - With his ability to transform into anything mechanical, I feel Optimus would be the ultimate help in a zombie apocalypse. He wont need food or water. He can cook your food by turning into a giant oven. He has weapons, cant turn into a zombie and protects humanity with his whole… heart?
#1 - Tony Stark - Iron Man
Companionship - Tony Stark is the funniest and most charismatic part of the Marvel cinematic universe currently. Yes, he has his issues but those only make him more human. You could have dumb conversations with him, shoot the breeze or get into a deep intellectual conversation. He’s a genius but rarely rubs it in your face. If he does his charisma makes you enjoy it for some weird reason.
Safety - At first Optimus Prime had a hire safety score, after thinking about it I changed my mind. Not only is Iron man full of guns, beams and tracking systems, but he has the iron legion. So, even if he leaves you to go fix something he still has a several other suits literally programed to protect you. You would never be in true danger!
Thanks for reading! I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. What did you think? Am I crazy? Should Batman be higher on the list? Tell me why! Believe it or not… I’m ok being wrong every now and then! Praise me or chew me out in the comments below.
- Mr. Screenplay
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